Questions of Faith-Where Are You?

In my last blog, I talked about asking questions as a spiritual practice.  I spoke of reading the Bible not for the answers it gives but the questions it asked.  So, in an attempt to follow my own advice, I decided to spend time with some of these questions.

The first question in the Bible comes no one other than God.  It is a question filled with irony.  Where are you? 

God comes walking in the cool of the evening, and the man and the woman, to whom God has given life, are hiding.  This is not a playful game of hide and seek between Creator and the created.  They are hiding because they were afraid.  They are hiding because they were naked.  They were hiding because their eyes were opened.

The irony comes because of all that has happened to this point.  God has given them life.  It is not a life created out of nothing.  It is a life that comes into being when God breathes into them God’s own breath.  God gives them a garden that is not just functional; it is ‘pleasant to the sight and good for food.’ 

God has given them a task.  Not just a task, but a calling, a vocation.  They are charged with tilling the garden and keeping it.  They are charged with partnering with God to take care of the wonder of God’s creation.

God has given them an expansive freedom. “You may eat freely of every tree in the garden.”  It is here.  It is all for you.  It is gift.  Enjoy it.  Relish it.  Share it with each other and all who come after you.

And yet, while it is an expansive freedom, it is not unlimited.  But you shall not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  No explanation is given, just like there are no explanations given for the calling and the freedom.  God does not say why God has given them charge over the garden.  God does not say why when God has granted them this expansive freedom.  And so, God does not say, “Now let me tell you why I have told you not to eat from this particular tree.”

And with all that God has given them, God is now walking around in the garden crying out, “Where your you?”, while the man and the woman are hiding in fear.

The very first question of faith in the biblical story is a question that God asks of the man and the woman in the garden.  It is a question that God asks of each of us.  Where are you?  Some would say the question is irrelevant or rhetorical.  It is God, after all, and God knows everything.  Which means God knows exactly where they are hiding and even why they are hiding.

And yet, one of the things this question suggests is that there are parts of our lives that we can close off from God.  There are parts of our minds, our hearts, our yearnings, and our desires that we can declare to be off limits to everyone, including God.

Of course, there is a price to pay for this turning in on ourselves.  We can become insular and isolated.  We become detached and disconnected from others.  In this place of hiding, we can close off those parts of us that we don’t like.  That habit or problem that we thought we had conquered, and yet here it is again.  That promise we committed to honor but have broken.  That routine of life that has become a rut, and we feel like each day is empty of meaning as we go through the motions.  We don’t want even God to know these parts of us.

Still, God comes walking and asks, “Where are you?”  It is easy to hear these words as interrogation.  Perhaps they are more of an invitation.  Right here, right now, in this moment, where are you?  You can’t really know where you want to go unless you really know where you are. 

And if we can be really honest, we can say, “I’m hiding because I am naked.”  I am hiding because I know I am flawed, and I don’t want you, God, or anyone to see me this way. 

In response to these words of fear and shame, God doesn’t scold or condemn.  God offers another invitation with another question.  Who told you that you were naked?  

How did you come to the conclusion that you were flawed?  What voices in the world around you, what voices in the world within you, have you been listening to?  Why do you so deeply believe those voices?  Even in this moment of hiding, look around at all that I have given you.  What do you think my voice would say to you?  Will you believe what I say to you?

Several years ago, I was going through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. The Exercises invite you to use your imagination as a way to experience the presence of God.  During one of my contemplations, suddenly, I had this image of standing before God naked.  I have had many mental images of myself standing before God, but not this way.  There were powerful feelings that went with the image.  One, I could not cover myself.  Standing naked before God was my only option.  Two, the feelings inside of me went from embarrassment to discomfort to, finally, acceptance.  This is all of who I am, and it was not just okay.  It was even beautiful.  It was a moment where I experienced a very powerful answer to the question, “Where are you?”

In my work as a counselor and in my own spiritual journey, I use the practice of mindfulness.  Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way.  We can spend so much time with regrets of the past and worries of the future.  These regrets and worries shape how we see ourselves and the world.  Mindfulness invites us to be present and to be accepting of what is happening right now.  It is one way, even from a place of hiding, to answer the question that comes to us every day in many ways.  Where are you?