Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.
Philippians 4:5
After dealing with specific issues in the community, Paul brings his letter to the Philippians to a close with some general words of exhortation: Let your gentleness be known to everyone. As Paul talks about the virtues that should be on display in the life of every person, Paul chooses to highlight gentleness.
This is important because he has lots of amazing virtues to choose from. In a letter to the Galatians, Paul gives us a list of the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (5:22-23). Of all these amazing qualities, with a sense of urgency (The Lord is near), it is gentleness that Paul encourages us to display to everyone. You might expect Paul to pick love or joy or peace. It seems those are virtues that can change a person’s heart; they can change the word around you. Instead, it is gentleness. I wonder why?
Come to me, all you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11: 28-29
In the verses right before these words, Jesus speaks about his relationship with God and the power that relationship gives him: All things have been handed over to me by the Father. No one knows the Son except the Father. No one knows the Father except the Son. That kind of power can make a difference. It can give you rest from the weariness of carrying heavy burdens. It will give you rest for your soul.
But notice the source of this life-changing power that comes from this relationship: I am gentle and humble in heart. Again, no words about love, joy, or peace. Jesus speaks of the power of his gentleness. I wonder why?
Gentleness is a spiritual practice that has been ignored, even set aside. We may speak of others as gentlemen or gentlewomen, but that is mostly about being polite. Over the last 50 years, several books have renewed an interest in the expression of virtues and the development of character. After Virtue by Alasdair MacIntyre. A Community of Character by Stanley Hauerwas. A Book of Virtues by William Bennett.
These writings have led to the introduction of a variety of character education programs in our schools, churches and other settings. Interestingly, none of these writings or programs mention gentleness.
In a blog post entitled The Demise of Gentleness, Perry L. Glanzer explores more deeply this absence of gentleness in a discussion of virtues. Ganzer says: “I undertook a more rigorous search for scholarly articles within the past three decades that might reference an empirical examination of this virtue. I did not find one. I searched the academic journals Ethics, Ethics and Behavior, Journal of Moral Education, and Journal of Religious Ethics and did not find any references for gentle other than a researcher describing an aspect of her method that including a ‘gentle prodding.’ Indeed, if one is to trust the Google n-gram, the use of the word, ‘gentle,’ is at its lowest point in the last 300 years. Microsoft Word even suggests that I change gentlemen to ‘men’ or ‘people.’ Based on these trends, it appears our society thinks we no longer have use for gentleness.”
Of course, that absence of gentleness is on display in social interactions in a variety of settings. Read the posts on social media and the comments on blog posts. It’s all about attacking the person with whom we disagree. This doesn’t show up just in political discussions. I read several religious and spiritual blogs, and the language of attack is just as prevalent.
We are coming upon yet another electoral cycle. There has already been a lot of talk from people who are running, highlighting the qualities that make them a good candidate. None of them have talked about gentleness. In fact, talking about their gentleness would, most likely, be seen as a weakness. People want strong, passionate, action-oriented people who can make a difference. The implication is a person who is gentle can be none of those things. But I wonder.
I wonder because it seems that Paul and Jesus believe that the expression of gentleness can make a difference in the world. If that is true, maybe a place to begin is with a definition a gentleness.
In his article, Recovering the Art of Gentleness, Michael Jensen describes gentleness as a “form of love that recognises (sic) the vulnerability in others and allows for it rather than exploits it.” Gentleness does not divide people into two groups: those who have vulnerabilities and those who do not. So it is not about the strong and invulnerable cutting some slack to the weak and vulnerable. Gentleness believes that all of us have places where we are vulnerable. We want others to be aware of the places where we are flawed, and so, we, too, will be aware of that in others.
Gentleness is a virtue that can shape many of our actions. We can confront, or we can confront with gentleness. We can challenge, or we can challenge with gentleness. We can disagree, or we can disagree with gentleness.
Gentleness is not just being polite and nice. Gentleness is not being shy or reserved. Gentleness is not trying not to make waves or get someone upset. A person can be strong and forceful and decisive…and still be gentle. After all, Jesus and Paul were two very strong personalities.
I think there is a lot more to be said about this misunderstood spiritual practice. But for now, what is your definition of gentleness? How do you see its presence, or its absence in the world today? What are ways you can “let your gentleness be known to everyone”? What does Jesus mean when he speaks of being “gentle and humble in heart”?
very nice husband
Thank you.